September and October (Misery Mash!)

MISERY MASH

Well, lets talk about September. In September when I was a child, it used to be so much fun! We went to the fair and I always had a sleep over birthday party. My mom would make homemade pizza or sloppy joes and I always got an AWESOME cake from Alexandro's bakery. My mom and dad always made it great! As an adult, I have spent most of my birthdays at work and this year was no different! The day started off sad because Steve and his sister had headed out for Georgia and I felt very alone. I also have been very sick with the creeping crud since the 1st of September and have been missing work (which makes me very uncomfortable). The doctor told me not to go back to work until Monday but I had to go back NOW! September 9th was my 47th birthday and it felt like it took me 47 hours to get up and get ready. I felt soooo bad and when I got to work it was just torture!!!! I was crying and feeling very sorry for myself walking to the parking garage that night. To my surprise, I looked up and saw tons of balloons tied to my car and my sweet Tracey coming down the ramp to meet me!!! Thank you, Tracey, for saving my Birthday! Later in the week, Steve and his sisiter came back and they bought me an awesome Auburn cake and lots of presents! I love them! As September was coming to an end, everyone in the house ended up getting sick including Mom. We all had to be on antibiotics and we all felt horrible! October came and we lost our sweet Susie, our saserfrase girl. She was 13 years old and her heart was just worn out. She died on October 17, 2011. Jeremy and I took her to the vet and they told us that she just would not make it. I held her in my arms as she slipped away from this world. I felt a piece of my heart break as she died. I loved her so much and I made sure she knew it while I held her at the vet's office before she died. I talked to her and told her what a wonderful dog she was and how much joy and love she brought to our family. I told her that I was going to miss her sooo badly and I know she knew it because she would just look at me with those big black eyes as if she understood what I was saying to her. It was a sad day for us all and a little piece of our family is missing. I got the house ready for Halloween and put out some Mums and pumpkins and scarecrows. Life goes on. I am still sick with a cough and a sore throat but I am hoping things get better! Work is a challenge and I spend a lot of time planning my retirement :) I guess that is torture, too, since I probably won't retire for another 10 years or so. September and October Misery Mash!

 

Laundry!

Why is it that laundry seems to never end and no matter how many times you wash a load, another one is ready???? I go through my house everyday that I am off and I collect all the laundry. I collect from everywhere. The hampers, the floors of bedrooms, and the garage which is always full of gross muddy socks from the fishing hole or the ball field or a boat trip. Why is it that boys decide when they get to the fishing hole, football field or the boat tripm, they say to themselves, "lets take our shoes off and just romp around in our socks!!!!" I make sure I get everything! Dirty rugs, more socks from the back porch and so on. I start my first load at about 9am, sometimes 10Am. This begins my laundry extravaganza.. As the day keeps going and going, I keep washing and drying and folding. It just multiplies!!! By 4pm, I think I have gotten it licked and then the second wave hits. People are coming home and bringing in swim suites and towels and of course more dirty socks!! Grace finally decides to unload her car of a weeks worth of sleepovers with her friends. Susie decides to pee on the last clean rug left and someone is bringing me a blanket because they spilt their drink or food or goobers all over it!!! And of course mom gets changed a million times a day! Sheets and blankets and socks Oh my! Now it is going on 7pm and I am putting the last loads away and turning off the light to the washroom. As I walk down the hall to my room, I notice in the boys bathroom that the hamper is full. As I hit my doorway, there is a trail of clothes that Grace Ann has left from the bed to the bathroom and our hamper is full!!! Cheeeeze and don't worry. It will be waiting for me on my next day off.

A metaphor from a dear friend

I can see myself standing at the end of this pier and just watching the sunset go down. I hear nothing but the water splashing against the pillars. I have some anxiety issues and I had a dear friend share with me a story that her mother shared with her. Lay in your bed and just imagine a big white fresh clean sheet rising up from under you. As it rises, it takes all your worries, fears, anxiousness, and pain with it and blows it away into the sky. Whoosh! Gone. Ahhhh! Just feels fresh and good. I love that metaphor and I can see me holding that sheet at the end of this pier and just letting it go! Thank you, Jody Wofford! I love you so much!

I have been gone a long time

I have been gone a long time! I am very lazy about blogging and sometimes I feel as though what I have to say most of the time is so serious! I can be funny really. Well, my life changed once again and I found myself caring for my Ex- mother-in-law while she was dying with cancer. Sometimes you have to look at the big picture in life. My mother-in-law, Dorothy Bradford, showed me love and loved my children. She deserved to die with dignity and love all around her. She left me with some things I will always love. She is the reason that I LOVE Dove soap! She always kept a pink bar of dove soap at the kitchen sink and while she cooked she would always wash her hands with that soap. It looked so creamy and wonderful and smelled incredible! I only use Dove soap to this day :) She made this wonderful hamburger vegetable soup and I still make it to this very day. Every time I make it, I think of her. I even made it in her final days with us. She was my children's granny and to bring her here was out of love and respect. I wanted to show my children that no matter what the circumstances, do what is right. Dorothy passed away in March and we were right here with her to the very end. Steve just stayed. We have been divorced 9 years now, but for some reason we are just hanging out together. Right now it just feels right. We are good friends and the kids enjoy having him around. And yes, he is not married anymore. He and his wife divorced in December.

A New year

It has been months since I have blogged and I am just worn out and tired of it all. Today is gloomy and sad. I am a mother and a daughter that is just used up and spit out. But see here is the thing...I am a Christian and I know how to rely on God and go to him in prayer. I know how to stay positive and be strong and move forward, hold it together and not just crumble into a million pieces! I want to fall down, cry and scream sometimes and tell God I am feeling abused. I want to tell him that my lessons in the Valley are so upsetting and so tiring and so painful and I want a break!!!! I want to just have some peace of mind and some down time from all the troubles. I know that is just being human but I feel guilty for feeling that way because I am a Christian and I need to get it together!!!! The smile most days is fake, but the appreciation for my life and blessing is NOT. Can you be so sad that you want to fall apart, but also know how lucky you are to be a child of God and to be free???? I feel that way all the time!!!